What’s Better than Confidence?

Confidence is overrated.

Honestly, it's such a low rung to reach for. It masks pain like morphine, without ever touching the cause. It needs constant topping up. And the moment you're truly out of your depth, "confident" just collapses into "putting on a brave face" or ‘faking it to make it”… performing, by another name. "Confidence" has gone the way of "authenticity". It’s a word worn so smooth by overuse that we've all built internal filters against it.

So I don't recommend trying to ‘get confident’ for your session. Because we are going to aim for smaller, real-er things that can't be faked.

Interestingly, it’s a handful of simpler, more honest qualities. Five of them as it happens… and they're not the epic, gravitas-words you'd expect. What are they? Resolute, Curious, Playful, Flexible, Decisive. These are more granular. More feel-able and do-able. Things you can actually be in a given moment - unlike "confident," which is just an abstract notion with little to no visual meaning.

On their own, each is small. Together they brew into a cocktail that a single shot of confidence never could. It's why we fall for portraits of weathered old faces - we can read the whole journey written across them. The wisdom. The grace. The cost. You can't perform any of that. You can't decide to look wise. But you can be curious, and playful, and resolute… and what comes through reads as everything bit of ‘confident’ as you’d ever hoped to see in yourself.

Here's the part that's actually hard: those aren't traits you have. They're choices you make. Daily. Hourly. Fear is always the easier option, and the easy move is to retreat behind the brave face. Choosing the harder thing, over and over, is identity-level work. It's also exactly what a camera catches - because a camera doesn't read ‘confidence’. It reads what you chose.

That's better than confidence. Not some flimsy performance you maintain. I’m talking about a handful of things you keep choosing - and an expression that finally shows it.